Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was
walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode
up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes
and said,
"Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good
choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Comprehending Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15
minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have
a word with him." "Hey George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes,
that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our
clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I
will say a special prayer for them tonight. The doctor said, "Good idea. And
I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see
If there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these
guys play at night?"
Comprehending Engineers - Take Four
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly
impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion-dollar
machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to
work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who
had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly
took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of
the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the
machine and stated, "This is where your problem is".
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company
later received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his services. The
company demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark - $1
Knowing where to put it - $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
Comprehending Engineers - Take Five
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.
Comprehending Engineers - Take Six
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate
with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an
Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The
graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Comprehending Engineers - Take Seven
"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet."
----- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
Comprehending Engineers - Take Eight
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better
to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time
with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of
the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you
are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get
some work done."
Comprehending Engineers - Take Nine
An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess and I will
stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,
smiled at it and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you
kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING
you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you
want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I
don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
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