Smile...

From: SiderWhite (SiderWhite@worldnet.att.net)
Date: Thu Jun 03 1999 - 05:02:35 EEST


>>To make you smile!
>>SIGNS ON CHURCH PROPERTY
>>------------------------------------
>>
>>"No God -- No Peace. Know God -- Know Peace."
>>
>>"Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"
>>
>>"Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."
>>
>>"Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"
>>
>>An ad for St.Joseph's Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands
>>holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed
>>and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two
>>tablets."
>>
>>When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign
>> with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated
>>with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
>>
>>"Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons -- come hear one!"
>>
>>A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at
>> a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the
>>pastor fixed the outside sign to read, "The Resurrection is postponed."
>>
>>"People are like tea bags -- you have to put them in hot water
>>before you know how strong they are."
>>
>>"God so loved the world that He did not send a committee."
>>
>>"Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!"
>>
>>"When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out alright."
>>
>>"Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday."
>>
>>"Fight truth decay -- study the Bible daily."
>>
>>"How will you spend eternity -- Smoking or Non-smoking?"
>>
>>"Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives":
>>
>>"Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and
>>the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."
>>
>>"It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."
>>
>>"Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."
>>
>>"If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."
>>
>>"If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."
>>
>>"Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal
>>fire insurance soon."
>>
>>"This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?"
>>---------> (U R)
>>
>>"Forbidden fruit creates many jams."
>>
>>"In the dark? Follow the Son."
>>
>>"Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up."
>>
>>"If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."
>>
>
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